The Horse Beats The Same Path

57 Now and counting. This year did include the big bounce for me, because it had me – getting back – to writing down … what is going on-in the abstract way I do – the life …I see…as mine. Been away so long and now it is time to get on the road back to some good lovin’ and the health, that should have always been mine. I have a little bit of trepidation about what exactly I should call these momentary connections to this new sanity – that I have always wanted, but couldn’t always find. For now I look forward to leaving a little bit of me out there in the universe… as representing the best of my intentions, because – beyond anything I might say… I have this supreme desire to truly represent my generation of seekers… from the heart- that we followed faithfully … believing it had …the way… marked for universal change that would bring the world to peace. Desperately in our ignorance we did things that …in alot of cases caused personal disaster and a fall from grace that had to be reckoned with before we could find our way back to normalcy and acceptance of the truth. We now know we are not indestructible and I am forever greatful that I now know that I am loved and that this is just a part of what I am and it has it’s own rhythms, but it certainly contains the ultimate dream of the true dreams, that I believed through the songs and poetry of the generation… That will always be mine. So much has been lost to the the lies of those who would use the best intentions of the truest, sweetest generation that has ever lived. We were and are the children of the greatest generation. Our parents and their siblings and uncles and aunts and Grandparents beat back the rise of Nazism and the festering sore of Communism. These things are still with us and I am but one who would honor all of America… For me the Nation that is saving the world from the evil that Satan would throw down. The reckoning of my now is because I want to jump ahead and begin to represent…. Because, if you only knew…. I am taking my inspiration from the words of the singer in my head, and I am now representing what I am hearing to the best of my capacity to be this moment that is jamming through my brain …so You see…. this sweet,sweet love is so sweet and I am inspired by you, and I am that fool that has got to learn that love don’t love noone. Noone. I have no pain it is all sweet lovin’ that has within the heart come to me this day- this now- that I am here in all time… wishing I can hold it one more time, because I am learning to reckon what is and what is not and the sorting out is the result of this time that we have and the instrument of God’s repair of my heart. I was lost and now I am found and so grateful for his love. It commands me to listen and be all that is – in purpose – the way that as always been what we have together – to be the heart of concern… for the world is ours to love. Riffin’ on the the sincerity vein of my being – I have probably overstepped the true version of what it is to be this brain thinking about what might have been, but I am allowed a little probity once in a while. I wish that I could just freeform the speed of my careless abandon and free a mind that wants an all-inclusive venue of exchange that just loves the travel between atmospheres that contain the elixirs of un-surmounting joy. Life without hate and the command of the high ground that would say that the true Lord has been found and all the pretenders must now bow down. Game over. I love you, Jesus and now that I know that this command has always been in my heart I am free to command myself to succeed…as who I should have always have been. I feel such joy in this room at this moment – even as I rewrite the capped letters that were caused by my typing misshap. I am not not proud of tonight’s contribution. It needed to be said. I am a singer in the truest sense of the word. I can’t sing, but I can bleed. I love you so father God. I am grateful for your love and your foregiveness of my sins. It is sweet and I am so happy, because it is shared in an abstract way with all of you. I am no longer ashamed of who I am … I am finally me… the one… I was always meant to be and it is now inculcated in my heart. I am no longer messing around with doubt. My concern is real. I am not going to lose the one true life, that would have me being as I need to be. So then, it has to be brought into perspective for now. Time to rest for the time being. Good night and don’t be concerned. I am the same as you… I just remembered what it was like, when I could fly. Trust the Rust.cya p.s. I do have some concerns on (the run through) before posting… I realised … this probably will appear to be really over the top. I do not seek over the top’ness. I want to be seen as a normal guy… on his birthday, who is saying some things that probably could have been left in the hanger, but at this point what do I care. I did not… ever…get dropped on my head more times than the instructions said to. So there. It was fun. Tomorrow, marks the return of Mr. Boring and the dreaded snack crackers caper. TTR
 
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Friday March 17, 2006

 

 He’s All Over the Map: so How Can He Find His Place?

 
From the mouths of babes,… Children, Listen to your father! Daddy, that’s me-Yeah right! I’m just a cuddly olde cheroot, who is once again on the limb – out on the limb – up high in the sky – above the ground… This is some kind of tree. A thing that is a structure that has the kind of feel … that tells me right now that I am paying too much attention to my wife’s conversation with our son, who walked out of escrow today. Heated and heating up and we are just getting started,…Finally, the un-experts came by the right imformation – An angel came to my wife’s workstation and got her to call a broker, who filled in the missing pieces about the way our son… was being played by this guy in the local “dust-up” on the road to being made road-kill by his personable, narcissistic poker playing cretin of a financial shaman/agent… That’s probably an overplay, but this has been rotten deal from the start. The guy has moved the loan already, so it will be interesting to see how they fix the deal- They,(the broker) is in a legal quandary at this point -, because of some of the things that have already taken place. This will get interesting, before it closes … completely… and now some time later, we are now mulling over other..things. Basketball, driving forklifts, promotions and his girlfriend. I discovered some new bloggers here tonight and I always realise,… that this is a fine place and I love you all, because you are real and getting real-er, everyday. As to: posting tonight’s entry in the blogging sweepstakes -I was going to cancel this out and excuse myself as not being up to snuff after the way I started. But,but… I can gratefully say I tried to find my way to a breakthrough on the quality – end of the posting, but tonight’s effort, although sub-standard was in the true American inventive manner- another version of “the dog ate my homework” routine. It’s still difficult to understand why I think we all have something to say, we just have to find our true dimension. The voice of the heart. Why does the caged bird sing? Over and out … Less work… more fun. Trust the Rust.cya
 
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Sunday March 12, 2006

 

 The Looser I Get -The Leaner the Warp And The Weft

 
Case in point- I am one wacky thinker. I come to this not automatically, but I do serve it up with a bit of not…. humor, but … somewhat tongue in cheek. It is at this point- somewhat- just a circumstance that I am not exactly comfortable with, because I find that… I would quit it all if given the chance…up to me? Of course and it is only honest, but to acknowledge that I still struggle finding the right keys. When I see with admiration the speed at which my twelve year old flies across the keys- I wonder why I bother… Leave the recording of the present to the next generation. They’re the one’s who are going to have to fix it. My guys had their shot and it came up short. It has been very entertaining and that is probably what America will be remembered for. Oh! and Democracy? But we’re a Republic …and oh!Again… the Yankee dollar. Those were the days. How about all the great things that were invented and developed by America. Nuclear bombs at the top. We had to do that first, so the Nazi’s wouldn’t blow us up. So we used it on Japan and now we and Japan are best friends. All to the good. If Peace were really in the Program, then everything we have helped to engender in the world would make sense…. But we have,… the arms dealers have spent an ungodly amount of time selling arms for … The messing up of large territories and destroying the lively-hood of thy neighbors’ neighbor – as have all the other arms makers and sellers and so now we probably have to have another one of those great big – Welcome to the Neighborhood Parties- to blow up things and take the loot that belongs to that lot with all the excess ( we want what you’ve got) baggage. Humanity sucks when it doesn’t say enough…is enough. We’re all standing around waiting to be taken. Just standing by… waiting to take it on the chin again – We should find a better way to occupy our time. Of all the things we could be doing… Why is it so easy to unlove your neighbor. I love my neighbor of course, but only until he starts telling me how to live, then I want to tell him where he can stick it… then things get heated …and before you know it- I ‘m not inviting him over to my house for a picnic. Are we a family or are we a family of bad actors, who only rest after we have done a lot of bad things to our neighbors stuff. Yuh! I’m a bit cranky tonight-This was an exercise in ” the un-design of the self”. The un-focused derivative of living in these times… that only repeat the mistakes of the past and promise too keep repeating our worst inclinations until the end of time. Believe me?… because I am not original – I am only another one singing from The Chorus of Concern, because it’s already a struggle to do the daily life and present a willing and able demeanor to that task. Don’t want to concern the children. But one has to wonder how great America really is anymore? The media is in the business of trashing this country on a nightly basis, but only as it concerns ( You know who or do you?)… How can we get a democrat elected President In 2008?… and wouldn’t it all just be better if it could be Hillary. Or else? “{I’m done}”. I am not Political, but I read political blogs constantly, because the media has such a skewed agenda, that nothing they say is real- in a constructive way. It’s all-about getting cheesed off about President Bush. I don’t adore the man, but he has had to make tough decisions and the enemy is a scheming pile of excrement… they use their hate of the West to fuel this firestorm that rages across the world. We all need to stop feeding into their hands. This country needs to take a united stand and fight the enemy that would take everything away from us. With every ounce of their being … they hate us and they will stop at nothing to achieve their ends, which is to annihilate us from the face of the earth. Whoa Bessy! I’m thru driving this carping hell hole around… Frankly by nature I am a fun loving guy… Although as my daughter says, She has never heard me tell a joke and she thinks-I don’t ever laugh and now I think it is really time to go, because I have whipped this frothing and beaten olde saw into a frenzy and… it… needs to rest, because really none of this is new and it is only me trying to find a voice, that would be comfortable with doing more than the mundane ordinary things that keep my life going. I’ll finish up with the good things that happened today. Day off…Good …Made a great breakfast of ham and eggs and oj and toast….mmmm good…Then my wife and I were off to a wrecking yard… quite a drive… to get a windshield wiper assembly…saving money… daughter away with friends for the day…she had a great time…just went to bed…My son called from his cabin on the cruise ship… He plays guitar in the band…We went shopping for fixen’s for tomorrow’s special dinner for the son, who takes possession of his new olde house on Monday…That was a whole bunch of stories from January till now, but now that baby is put to bed. His girlfriend is coming to dinner and we are waiting to meet her and so we also have everything else, but it is time for sleep. Wife went to bed a couple of hours ago. Check with other son on our fencing needs tomorrow… We watched the two Bourne movies tonight -maybe that’s where all the animosity came from. Not to worry -It’s just me. Trust the Rust.cya…
 
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