No.42_ I’m Making It Up_really!

This is Better Than Being Lost…I Just Can’t Find Myself.

 
Yuh! How disconcerting is that? I keyed in my fill in the blank posting/title/name/Indubitable Paradox/… And nothing came up. But by default, when I pushed Login… It came up ready to roll. So here I am and not a moment too soon. Maybe I was last here on the stream in March or April. I know, I looked, but I’ve forgotten or I just don’t want to start and this is all some form of crap… it isn’t road ready at this point, so I’ll just bag it – like any other person, who has nothing to say and then I’ll hurt for another few months, because I didn’t try to get back into the flow of going for the gusto of having a hobby – that suited my need to just be a scribe to the life and times of a guy on the lamb in the country, south of Seattle. That sounds like I’m a criminal or something. I meant my nefarious aptitude… of being here with you guys- doing this thing that people are doing all over the Internet everyday. Talkin’ talkin’,’bout ourselves in so many ways as a concept to control our desperation to understand our surroundings and our shortcomings, as to what we could be doing to save the world and such.

It has always been my dream to do what? Say what it is I really want to say, but always the conflict has been- If you have nothing to impart, then impart nothing, but if you never say anything, then you learn to have nothing to say, so that is why we are here … You, me. 
We are practicing on each other- like we used to in school, but now we aren’t getting graded, except to say, I guess, if no one ever reads what you write… that is it’s own kind of punishment. I’m okay with whatever this is all about. I am glad to be back. I left, because, not the olde saw of depression or mental illness or ‘being a victim of something’; I left, because I hurt my hoo-hoo. That hurts- just saying it. It brings a smile and a sense of satisfaction to my person to finally tell the truth.

In this age of the practiced untruth … It is not easy to ascribe a truthful reason for doing the things we do, but when I realized that 
it was my hoo-hoo, that was hurting. I knew, that it would be awhile before I would tell anyone that my hoo-hoo hurt. I just like the sound of hoo-hoo and the way that hoo-hoo looks and the way that it rolls of the keys. I knew I was on to something and now that I’ve gone this far and all with being honest and all and I know that someone out there has just got to let me know if their hoo-hoo hurts, then you know where to find me, because of my experience and the long road to recovery and my being an expert and all … you just feel free to contact me and I will honestly and truthfully be there for you, so your hoo-hoo will hurt no more. We can all become hoo-hoo experts together.

I know I have probably over-stepped the bounds of decorum and I am sorry for that, but at my own expense …I was only trying to make light of a serious situation… and that is … This world is tough.

It is so tough, that a site like this one in particular, where there are so many people, who seem to genuinely care for each other … that I want to just say… Thank You and I need to go now, so that’s all I can find tonight. But my heartfelt feeling is what I call Love. I know you know about love. I just want to say that I love what goes on here. It may be happening in other places. Maybe I should Google… Sites like_ Blogstream? I read a lot of stuff on the Internet. Mostly on the real malaise of cultural upheavals of our shrinking dimensions of safety in an uptight universe of so many conflicting attitudes and agendas. The good and great part of our worldly universe needs to find a way to staunch the flow of bad blood and bad ideas. We cannot appease or entertain the idiocy of the insane
and despotic. Love you lots. To sleep, perchance to dream. Trust the Rust, cya.

This is the Official Video for’222′ by Marco Sandeman
From Sir Paul McCartney~ On his work ‘Memory Almost Full’
From Paul McCartney’s Channel~ YouTube.
Thank You, Sir Paul_ for All The Love You Have Brought Down 
Upon The Planet and Among All Mankind_
In All Of Your Collaborations_ With The True Light Of Love
Life_ Is Profound_And Always Meaningful,While_Hope Is Alive

 
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Sunday March 19, 2006

 

 I Certainly Do Want to Mention That Today Is My Birthday!

 
57 Now and counting. This year did include the big bounce for me, because it had me – getting back – to writing down … what is going on-in the abstract way I do – the life …I see…as mine. Been away so long and now it is time to get on the road back to some good lovin’ and the health, that should have always been mine. I have a little bit of trepidation about what exactly I should call these momentary connections to this new sanity – that I have always wanted, but couldn’t always find. For now I look forward to leaving a little bit of me out there in the universe… as representing the best of my intentions, because – beyond anything I might say… I have this supreme desire to truly represent my generation of seekers… from the heart- that we followed faithfully … believing it had …the way… marked for universal change that would bring the world to peace. Desperately in our ignorance we did things that …in alot of cases caused personal disaster and a fall from grace that had to be reckoned with before we could find our way back to normalcy and acceptance of the truth. We now know we are not indestructible and I am forever greatful that I now know that I am loved and that this is just a part of what I am and it has it’s own rhythms, but it certainly contains the ultimate dream of the true dreams, that I believed through the songs and poetry of the generation… That will always be mine. So much has been lost to the the lies of those who would use the best intentions of the truest, sweetest generation that has ever lived. We were and are the children of the greatest generation. Our parents and their siblings and uncles and aunts and Grandparents beat back the rise of Nazism and the festering sore of Communism. These things are still with us and I am but one who would honor all of America… For me the Nation that is saving the world from the evil that Satan would throw down. The reckoning of my now is because I want to jump ahead and begin to represent…. Because, if you only knew…. I am taking my inspiration from the words of the singer in my head, and I am now representing what I am hearing to the best of my capacity to be this moment that is jamming through my brain …so You see…. this sweet,sweet love is so sweet and I am inspired by you, and I am that fool that has got to learn that love don’t love noone. Noone. I have no pain it is all sweet lovin’ that has within the heart come to me this day- this now- that I am here in all time… wishing I can hold it one more time, because I am learning to reckon what is and what is not and the sorting out is the result of this time that we have and the instrument of God’s repair of my heart. I was lost and now I am found and so grateful for his love. It commands me to listen and be all that is – in purpose – the way that as always been what we have together – to be the heart of concern… for the world is ours to love. Riffin’ on the the sincerity vein of my being – I have probably overstepped the true version of what it is to be this brain thinking about what might have been, but I am allowed a little probity once in a while. I wish that I could just freeform the speed of my careless abandon and free a mind that wants an all-inclusive venue of exchange that just loves the travel between atmospheres that contain the elixirs of un-surmounting joy. Life without hate and the command of the high ground that would say that the true Lord has been found and all the pretenders must now bow down. Game over. I love you, Jesus and now that I know that this command has always been in my heart I am free to command myself to succeed…as who I should have always have been. I feel such joy in this room at this moment – even as I rewrite the capped letters that were caused by my typing misshap. I am not not proud of tonight’s contribution. It needed to be said. I am a singer in the truest sense of the word. I can’t sing, but I can bleed. I love you so father God. I am grateful for your love and your foregiveness of my sins. It is sweet and I am so happy, because it is shared in an abstract way with all of you. I am no longer ashamed of who I am … I am finally me… the one… I was always meant to be and it is now inculcated in my heart. I am no longer messing around with doubt. My concern is real. I am not going to lose the one true life, that would have me being as I need to be. So then, it has to be brought into perspective for now. Time to rest for the time being. Good night and don’t be concerned. I am the same as you… I just remembered what it was like, when I could fly. Trust the Rust.cya p.s. I do have some concerns on (the run through) before posting… I realised … this probably will appear to be really over the top. I do not seek over the top’ness. I want to be seen as a normal guy… on his birthday, who is saying some things that probably could have been left in the hanger, but at this point what do I care. I did not… ever…get dropped on my head more times than the instructions said to. So there. It was fun. Tomorrow, marks the return of Mr. Boring and the dreaded snack crackers caper. TTR
 
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